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[07 Nov 2009|09:51am] |
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sometimes Im not too sure about life. when the cold season comes, I get more aggrivated and on edge, the slightest things that usually never bother me, do. it's the cold, it's the change in my mood, my depression and anxiety hit me harder.
Ive been causing more fights with Matthew, and I dont mean to, but because of circumstances and what has happened last year.. Im afraid it's going to happen all over again. I really hate making my relationship and personal problems public, but I feel as if since I dont have that many people to talk to, I turn to an online journal to help me, pathetic. I love Matthew, a lot. Ive never been in love and losing him would devistate me, Id be a mess, I wouldnt be able to live out my daily life if I lost him. We're 20 years old, this is supposed to be a mature relationship, it goes both ways, I feel like Im always causing the fights, but I feel he's giving me fuel to the fire, maybe it's on purpose maybe it's unintentional. Whatever the reason may be, I need to learn to bite my tongue because there is no sense in fighting over unnecessary bullshit. I love Matthew, and obviously he loves me if he's been with me for this long.
Im still unsure about what I want to do with my career. Recently Ive been getting more into doing hair and wanting to do it, but I still want to persue my goal/dream in law enforcement, whether it be the police, or the SWAT even tho Matthew thinks that will stress me out much more. I know I have plenty of time to figure out what I want to do with my life, but that's not me, I want to get my career and future figured out so I can start persuing and achieving and not feel like a loser. I have a car, I have a job maybe going on a second one to help support my car and my needs, and I have to wait til spring '11 for the police test. I am happy with the way things are going right now in my life, but I feel as if they can get much better, and I need to work on everything.
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| hmmmm... |
[19 Aug 2009|12:04pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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ok, so I know I said I wasnt going to update this and I was done with it, but something happened recently that really made me feel.. Im not going to say insecure, cause Im far from that, but it definitely got me to rethink a lot of things . regardless of people "blogging" and blahblah and exposing my feelings for everybody to see, I dont care. Im secure about myself, and my relationship with my boyfriend.
but people really do underestimate me. who do you think you are to threaten me? your life is so pathetic it's not even funny. you have nothing good going for you, except for your "excellent" future, and you look like an anorexic, over-sized orangutan. you're a backstabber, a liar, and you have a different best friend every other week. get over yourself, please. I really, honestly, dare people to test me and try to push me to my limits, cause in the end, Im gonna be the one laughing. it's people like you that make me remember why I hate long island females, cause you're all the same.
other than dumb bitches <3 :] life has been wayyy too good. I got an awesome job in a salon that's close to both me and matthew's houses, my boss is the best, AND on top of all that, Im getting a car within the next 2-3 weeks. I really cant complain at all about anything. I love how when I thought shit really hit rock bottom, my life did a complete 180 and I couldnt be happier. me &matthew's year and a half is saturday, but I dont get my first real real paycheck for another week and a half so I cant do something nice for us :[
I really wantttt a peach mango smoothie
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[02 Apr 2009|05:02am] |
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i dont update this anymore. ive gotten over the whole livejournal craze.
but it's safe to say, matthew and i are in love, we've been together for 13 months. and we're gonna stay together.
l0lz thanks fer the memoriez lj.
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[16 Jul 2008|09:42pm] |
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mood |
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 discontent |
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am i a fool for believing and trusting you?
i hope this doesnt screw me over in the end. ive put everything i got into this since day 1, and im not going to let this mess it up.
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[16 Mar 2008|02:02am] |
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my boyfriend makes everything about life, so good &perfect.
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| i hope this feeling lasts forever |
[26 Feb 2008|09:09pm] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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music |
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edison glass |
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you make me so incredibly happy &weak. kissing you just makes me feel like im on cloud nine and i swear it's the best feeling ever.
you have me hooked.
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[28 Jan 2008|10:15pm] |
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haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
sloppy seconds bitch : )
lalalalala-love life.
end.
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[11 Jan 2008|07:34am] |
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long island is filled with the shittiest people i know. not to mention the most lame. i feel everyone i meet is patheticccccccccc.
grow up.
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| HAPPY BIRTHDAY |
[17 Dec 2007|12:06am] |
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mood |
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excited |
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music |
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aesop rock |
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TO ME!!!
Im finally 18 and I can finally get tattoo's and piercings legally!
yayyyyyy.
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[29 Nov 2007|07:52pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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music |
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biggie; gimme the loot |
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i fuckin HATE females.
shut the fuck up with your pussy ass drama. go cry to someone who actually gives two shits.
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[07 Jul 2007|10:20pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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i luff my septum ;D
woahwoahh
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[24 Jun 2007|04:17pm] |
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IM DONE WITH HIGH SCHOOL.
FO EVAAAAAAAAA
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[23 Jun 2007|02:17pm] |
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i graduate tomorrow.
over the past 2 years, time has gone by so fast and ive met so many amazing people.
im ready to move on away from bbp.
i just dont know when.
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| if tomorrow came |
[13 Jun 2007|02:34pm] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
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rip emma margaret casey;
it's been 2 years now. and so much has changed. but you've been on my mind everyday since then, and that'll never change. you're my angel and my strength for tomorrow. i love &miss you.
always <3
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[12 Jun 2007|04:10pm] |
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goodbye bayport-blue point high school :]]]
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[05 Jun 2007|01:21am] |
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mood |
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 apathetic |
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i officially fucking lost it.
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[06 May 2007|11:38pm] |
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mood |
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sore |
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friends onlyyy; yess.
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